Haih..

Finally some calm and peace for now. Another 8 minutes till the day ends. Today wasn't exactly spectacular. It's just that I didn't get to finish what I want to do. Instead, I ended running around college in the evening looking for my advisor, only for him to tell me that I can't accelerate my program because of some ABET ruling. Looks like I'll have to find a way to get around the system. I hope it works.

I wonder what happened to the perfectionist in me? I have to stop doing something 3/4 way and be happy with it. So not cool.

:(

me: I don't mind staying here for the summer, find a job and maybe come back next time.

Try being 10000 miles away from sanity...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :(

Mustang

I finally rode in Ford Mustang GT!! It was the most awesome experience I ever had in a car. Imagine accelerating all the way up to 160kph on a satellite road! Everything about the car was amazing. Eventhough I was only a passenger, the experience of riding in a muscle car is just tremendous. The rumble of the V8 engine is solid and sounds like it wants to eat humans for breakfast. The acceleration seemed almost effortless. The grip levels were insane, and the braking power is just madness. Imagine coming from 120kph to a complete standstill in less than a few seconds?? At one point the experience was so scary, that I had to tell Ramon to cool it down. He was going very very quickly through the narrow roads leading up to the place where Steve lived. But it was an awesome experience. I can't wait to get behind the wheel of one. V8 blocks are just awesome!!

Anyways, we had a great time watching the race yesterday. Before the race, Stephen, Ramon and I were talking about the Mustangs which Steve and Ramon had. We popped the hoods open, revved the engines at 1.30 in the morning, and then went back in for some beer and chips fueled Formula 1 session. I can't wait to do it all over again next week.

I Want To Win

It feels weird. Just two years ago, around this time, I was thinking of giving up. The challenges were enormous. I wanted to just lay everything down and look for a new direction. Something where I didn't have to wake up and face the fact that I have failed despite my best efforts and that no matter what I do, I will not be as good at it as I thought I would be, or should be. I wanted something where I knew I was good at. Something easier.

It feels weird that, two years down the road, all those feelings are slowly making their way back into me, pointing at me again, while saying "I told you so." Every morning, for the past 2 months I have always woken up feeling like I had just been hit over the head by something hard. Despite my best efforts to want to stay positive, something, somehow will always bring me through a left turn. A turn that I am just so tired of taking. Along the way, there were good ones, but when I do the math and look back to reality, I started to realize just how little my victories are in comparison to my defeats.

They say that a war is won by winning battles first. But how can one sustain when his men are dying, equipments running low, when there is a shortage of food, when territory is being snatched away, and when it seems like there is nothing left to boost the morale of his army?

Back then, I had the chance to change. The chance to carve a new path into something new. A chance to swallow my pride and say that maybe this wasn't meant for me. But now, it is different. Thinking of those words alone is like putting a knife through my heart. Imagine what it would be like to say it? Right now, that chance is gone. It will never return.

I know that the road I am on, I must stick to it. I can no longer turn around and walk away. Doing this would be suicide. It would be the betrayal of the trust, blood, sweat, tears and all the confidence of those who have put their weights upon my shoulders.

Sometimes I look up those who have, and I ask myself about what separates them from me. Deep down, I know the answer. But somehow...

I want to win. I want to win so badly.

But when I think about it. It is all relative. I realize just how small my challenges are in comparison to the millions of others who have it q whole lot worse. For that alone, I owe then an honor of at least trying harder.

I will win.

Wth

Wth...

Darkness

Ahh...Finally. A bit of darkness around me. My roommate just went to sleep and he turned all the lights off. I don't know why, but I just love being in a dark place. I enjoy taking long walks out at night, at places where there are very few people to interrupt. I enjoy listening to the sounds of the night. If you listen closely, you can hear mother nature speak. She speaks through her insects, her breeze, and somewhere in the distance, humanity talks back. They talk back with their cars, their aeroplanes, and the sound of their feet as they walk along their paths. Bit the best sound that night produces is silence.

I know I'm not making any sense. I don't blame you.

I finally got assigned to a room for the fall semester. I've got three other roommates, and all three of them are internationals. Well, at least, one of them used to be, until he got his citizenship. Apparently, we got a room in the most poplar floor of our building. The third floor. You see, though the building I'm about to live in is brand new, about a year or so, there have been problems with its pluming system. Sometimes, warm water never reaches the higher floors, and occupants are forced to take their showers in cold water, something which I'm glad will not happen on my floor...I hope.

Anyways, I want to sleep now. I've got a potentially long day ahead of me.

=D

=D