I Ask

Today morning, I woke up, completely aimless. I'd slept for only a couple of hours as I had been up late pouring over material on the internet about Malacca. But that's a whole different story altogether. It will be told in due course. But today, today is the important part.

I woke up pretty much in a daze. I didn't have much of a clue about what to do for the entire day. The only thing I had planned for the day was a small meeting at 5pm but that is still hours away and I still had a whole chunk of daylight to deal with.
In the previous weeks I would simply wake up, get ready and go to work, half swearing under my breath. But thankful nontheless.

But today is different. I don't have a job anymore. I decided to quit and to do other things for the remainder of my time here. Seven weeks to be exact. Before I quit, my head seemed full with things to do and people to meet. But now, I ask myself the question, "What do I do now?" Well, the answer is, I don't know. Before this I had planned to brush up on everything before I leave, but today, I don't seem to have the will to do it. I sit here knowing full well that I am wasting what I can never get back. A moment lost forever. And someday when I ask myself, I doubt that I will ever have the justification for it. I never have, I never will. Like a cycle it repeats and yet nothing has been done about it. Where has the will to win gone to?

Moving on, apparently I sound diplomatic. Some say its a bad thing, some have no opinion. But experience is the best teacher, as some would like to put it, and because of that I choose to be indifferent. I neither commit nor deny. At least that way, good or bad, I'd still be able to keep my wits about me and still have a chance of a quick getaway and move on to other things which I would most likely be indifferent about and once again end up on the wrong end. So, is it really worth being indifferent over? Perhaps not. So why continue?

I wouldn't be me if I didn't rationalize. Apparently, that describes it. Is that good or bad? Different people, different answer. As for me, while it may seem like a good thing, it isn't always. Sometimes it can be a curse. You try to simplify things that are nearly impossible to simplify and before you know it, you've missed the bigger picture and you end up losing anyways. Good?

Again

It is one in the morning and here I am for the second day in succession, staring at the computer screen.

Well, I've been doing a little bit of research for our Malacca trip which, if all goes well, would happen on the 18th of July. Initally, I didn't have much of an idea on what to include in the trip. The worst part is that, apart from the stuff I've read in the textbooks, I know next to nothing about the place. I've been there a couple of times before, back when I was younger but now I'm way too old to remember anything that would help. Plus I don't really have much of a clue about what the rest would like to do and what their budgets may be. So that makes things a little bit more complicated. Personally, I'd enjoy a great sightseeing trip around the city with lots of food to eat and to do a little bit of walking around the place at night.

So far, after some digging on the internet, I've got a rough idea of what we could do when we get there. It generally involves a whole lot of walking, eating, sightseeing and if the chance presents itself, a trip to the oldest light house in Malaysia and a night at Port Dickson. But we'll see how it goes. Plus, the date seem a little risky because of certain commitments some have. I hope it happens.

I'll Be Waiting

.

He broke your heart
He took your soul
You're hurt inside
'Cause there's a hole
You need some time
to be alone
then you will find
what you've always known

I'm the one who really love ya, baby
I've been knockin' at your door

and as long as I'm livin'
I'll be waitin'
as long as I'm breathin'
I'll be there
whenever you call me
I'll be waitin'
whenever you need me
I'll be there

I've seen ya cry
into the night
I feel your pain
can I make it right?
I realize
there's no end in sight
yet still I wait
for you to see the light

I'm the one who really loves ya, baby
I can't take it anymore

and as long as I'm livin'
I'll be waitin'
as long as I'm breathin'
I'll be there
whenever you call me
I'll be waitin'
whenever you need me
I'll be there

You are the only one I've ever known
that makes me feel this way, couldn't on my own
I wanna be with you until we're old
you've got the love you need right in front of you, please come home

as long as I'm livin'
I'll be waitin'
as long as I'm breathin'
I'll be there
whenever you call me
I'll be waitin'
whenever you need me
I'll be there

as long as I'm livin'
I'll be waitin'
as long as I'm breathin'
I'll be there
whenever you call me
I'll be waitin'
whenever you need me
I'll be there

Update

After a very, very long one and a half months, I've finally concluded the journey of my 6th job. And I must say that though it has not been the most exciting job I've ever had, it was definitely a very good experience to have learnt and experienced what I have in the past month. The hightlight being the shareholders meeting which I attended as a proxy on the 20th of June. And not to mention my very, very cool bosses whom I have a whole lot of respect for. And I must say that apart from the early weeks of blunder, I did a job well done.

So now I'm faced with a month and a half of holidays. There definitely are plans for road trips. Some coming as early as next week and some other stuff planned out for the remainder of the holidays.

Oh yeah, I watched Wanted yesterday. In my opinion, it was a very good movie. But the only downside was that the physics were completely wrong.

Refleksi

When times are shaky, Staind is always the best companion. They tell you what you need to hear without beating round the bush.

I guess it is time for me to do a little reflection. Not too long ago, Iggy gave me a piece of his mind. He told me what I ought to be doing. His words were clear. If I were you, I wouldn't bother. At that time, I really did want to listen to him afterall, he had been through it all and who better to take advice from? But then I said to myself how bad can it get? So I took my own path. I followed what I thought was right. I went for it anyways.

In the beginning, it was a little difficult. I didn't know what to do. I did the only thing I knew at that time. Of course, that wasn't easy as well but step by step, I weathered the cold storm not knowing what to expect at the next turn. All I could hope for was that it would calm itself down and I wouldn't have to do anything. And much to my amusement, it did and everything was back to where it started. Normal. I brushed it all aside as a mere coincidence and went on.

It remained that way for quite some time and I was glad I didn't listen to Iggy. I was on a high. But then all of a sudden, things became sour. Covenants were being broken and for the first time, I think I am starting to understand why. At least, I can now predict that if at all it really came to a grinding halt, I know why.

But now that I am faced with the same prospect all over again, what should I do? Try another time or just listen to Iggy and get it over with? Hmm...

Uncle Fah Kiu

You know what, I think I am going to tell you about the time when I first hird the "sacred" four lettered word. Yes, I can actually remember the time.

A long , long time ago when I must have been around six or seven, we used to have a bunch of Chinese bachelors as neighbours. And we used to hang out with them in the evening, playing badminton. Our fence would become the net. And we did this almost everyday of the week.

So one evening I saw these guys carrying their things out of the house. Puzzled, I went in to ask what was going on. So one of the guys told me that they were moving to a house right down the street. Then while watching, I saw someone else in the house whom I didn't recognize. Me being a rather curious kid, I innocently ask for his name. "Eh, what's his name?" I said. "His name ah? You can call him uncle Fah Kiu," said one of the bachelors whose name I can't remember but for this article I shall call him Tan. At that time, I didn't know much about words and I really didn't know that it was all some kind of a joke to teach me a bad word. So I went over and said "Hello uncle Fah Kiu. How are you?" And with that, Tan started laughing while saying the word "Fah Kiu" numerous times. Puzzled, I simply walked away. But that was that.

So everytime I saw him I would go "Hello uncle Fah Kiu!!" right in the middle of the street. I even once told my mom that we have a neighbour by the name of Fah Kiu.

But of course, his name wasn't really Fah Kiu. It was something else. I can't remember what. So yeah, that was the first time I used the four lettered word on someone. And right now, I feel like using it again.

Pondering

Should I quit or should I not quit?

Poison

Your cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't want to break these chains

Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

One look could kill
My pain, your thrill
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

I want to love you but I better not touch
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah
I don't want to break these chains
Poison, oh no
Runnin' deep inside my veins,
Burnin' deep inside my veins
It's poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

Reminded

I come in search of a voice, but all I get is silence. Even from those whom I've once shook hands with. With nothing more to do, I dream of getting back to where I am in a state of natural paralysis. Moving only to cure the odd itch. Waking only to the images of a bad vision or a situation made less comfortable by factors that I have not much control over. For now at least. But somehow, my efforts are stymied by that I wish to understand but have not come to terms with. I don't know yet what is it that I am looking for when I know that there is nothing to be found here. Maybe, just maybe it is the faintest of hope that it will somehow emerge. Someone in a state as I find myself in. Unable to grasp the gravity of what lies ahead as soon as it is time to wake up. Perhaps I am alone for it is a day of asking for forgivnesss and I seek none.

I just threw a stone, and it came back. Ahh... the good old times. I was reminded of one today and I am glad to more than ever. Sometimes, it really is hard to kill a spark. You may find a new source of fuel but somehow, you don't seem to forget what got you started in the first place and when it revisits you, it is like an overwhelming force. One that reminds you of the journey so far.

Oh well..we'll see what happens.

Another Long Night

I lived a dream yesterday, albiet it being only a soundtest in the afternoon, I did what I've wanted to do for a very, very long time. We played Fuel's Falls on Me. It was just Ping, Sam and myself. And that definitely has to be my most enjoyable time on stage. Despite not having a vocalist, the energy was immense and I can still remember people standing all around the stage, some in the balcony of both the old and new campuses and watching us. Some even jumped in front of us. It was just amazing. I don't know just what it is about that song but it just glues people to it. Even people who don't usually listen to rock music. I can sometimes spend up to half an hour playing that four minute song. The moment was perfect. Everything sounded just right. All the way from the distortion to the gain to the drums to the bass. Everything. People came up to us afterwards telling how much they wanted to listen to our set. And to tell you the truth I was feeling pretty confident for the night. Afterall, what could go wrong?

Well, sad to say but, things did go a little southward after that. Like always, shit happens and it did happen yesterday night. The monitors blew up halfway through the first song. I don't know about the crowd but all I could hear after that was fuzz. By time we had reached the mid point of the first song, I just knew that all was lost. The michrophones then went crazy and there was an unbelievable amount of feedback, the amps started to sound funny and I really couldn't tell the difference between the clean sound and the distorted sound. My wah acted strange so I had to abort a solo. Worst of all, no one could hear anyone. We were all playing on instinct and thankfully, our timing was right. The only good point for the night. I still don't know how some people said that we rocked. Being polite I assume. All I know is we sucked and we sucked big time and worst of all it wasn't because of our playing.

Well, I know who to blame for what happened but I don't really feel like pointing fingers. But for the record, no one in the band is to be blamed. But when three people who've had many years of experience dealing with sound tells you what to do, just shut up and do it. Don't try to override them when all the experience you've ever had was fiddling with a volume knob on a radio. It was because too many people wanted too many different things, we ended up with all the problems which we didn't have in the afternoon. In fact, had they listened to me, I am sure we could have redid what we did in the afternoon. So there you have it. A simple case of too many people trying to drive a bus when the actual driver is driving it slowly in order to negotiate a tight bend.

Oh well, one more bad night on the books.

Butterflies

Getting that feeling back, once again. Try and try as I may, I couldn't resist. The temptation so great that I no longer had any control of what I thought. I told myself not to, but I somehow I'm caught right in the middle. And now I can't stop wishing for more. And because of that, the butterflies.

-sometimes it can be a blessing, a curse, a way of life yet to be discovered-

Dead Beat

A couple of days ago, I was mulling over the idea of going on a very lengthy blogging hiatus because I really didn't have anything to write for the past two months or so and I wasn't really in the best of writing shape. But since I'm rather free this morning and I've just skip work to work on our project for tomorrow, I might as well just drop a quick one in before the day begins.

As you might have already known, my new band will be playing tomorrow night and to be honest with you I am feeling slightly worried about how everything is going. It's the eve of d-day and we haven't even come up with our final list of what we are going to do for the night and how we plan to do it. But what troubles me most is that we might not have enough time to rectify certain issues, which I can definitely say will not be cured overnight and might end up putting on another mediocre show that would probably have us pelted wih rotten tomatoes and eggs. Not ot mention the aftermath. The organizers would kill us all if we came up and didn't do a good job because those guys are going to spend money on providing us with very good equipment. Something which was not originally in their budget. So what I plan to do to solve the problem is to try to work on our strengths and not try too hard to overcome our weak points and not getting anywhere. We're going to try to drive in the mentality that one good song is a whole lot better that three full songs that suck. And that no one player is more important than the rest and that what should do what is best for the band on not just do something just to make any one of us look like a bigger rockstar or anything because when it comes to the music, looks are secondary. It is the show that is the most important. We've still got more than a day left till the event. Let's see where we end up.

I think I've said enough for the morning. I'd better get on down to college, bring my guitar along and try to work on the songs and see what we can do to improve the situation.

-It can be a blessing sometimes-

??

And then...I met you...

Its Not My Time

Weird Dreams

I know I shouldn't be writing this and it may appear horrific to some but lately, I have been having some pretty weird dreams. A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that I murdered two people in an extremely cold blooded fashion. This was what happened. After the two of them insulted me, I just flew into an unexplainable rage and went after them, one by one. I found the first one. I ran after her, grabbed her from behind and banged her into a steel tank. I kept banging her until she was almost lifeless. But amazingly, she was still able to move. Seeing that she was still alive, I lifted her up and threw her into the tank of freezing ice. Seconds later, she was dead. The tank was red with spilt blood. I don't remember how I killed the second one but it was just as gruesome as the first one.

After the two murders had been committed, I quickly proceeded to dispose of their bodies. In my dream, I threw both bodies into a liquid that completely dissolved their remains. And in the back ground, I could see two detectives looking for the bodies. Immediately, I felt really scared for myself. I couldn't understand what had just happened or what I just did. I ran away.

Fast forward to a few years later, the scene was a courthouse where I was being tried for murder. The prosecution could not find any evidence that linked me to the murders. I was about to be freed. But then, events took a turn for the worse. My friend, who was a witness to the murder, broke down in tears and told the judge what had happened. And immediately, the both of us were thrown into prison.

And just like that, I woke up. The room was dark and I was breaking out in cold sweat. I just felt really, really scared. I couldn't sleep after that. I kept thinking about the murders. I just couldn't understand it.

Then for the past two nights, I've only been dreaming about one thing. But the good thing is that it wasn't horrifying. It was sweet but strange all at the same time. Of course, I'm not going to explain the details because I really shouldn't have even dreamt of it in the first place.

Dreams, I wonder how they are formed or why they exist and if they really contain any meaning or if they are nothing but a pure fabrication by the mind?

Aaron Cheng, I want to know what you think.

Growing On Me

I can't get rid of you
I don't know what to do
I don't even know who is growing on who, (yeah, yeah)
'Cos everywhere I go you're there
I Can't get you out of my hair
I Can't pretend that I don't care - it's not fair

I'm Being punished for all my offences
I wanna touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences
I wanna banish you from whence you came
But you're part of me now
And I've only got myself to blame

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see

Sleeping in an empty bed
Can't get you off my head
I won't have a life until you're dead
Yeah, you heard what I said

I wanna shake you off but you just won't go, ohh
And you're all over me but I don't want anyone to know
That you're attached to me, that's how you've grown
Won't you leave me, leave me alone

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see, ahhhhhhhhhhh

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
oohhhhh

It Is What It Is

There is no charge for being awesome..or attractive.

Yes, in case you were wondering, I just came back from the cinema. We watched a movie which probably almost everybody I know is crazy about. Kung Fu Panda. While I don't usually enjoy watching animations, the last time being Wallace and Gromit a couple of years back, I have to admit that it was an extremely funny, entertaining and definitely unpredictable movie. I couldn't stop laughing. But apart from being funny, I did find the movie to be meaningful in a few ways. And if you really are new, you could pick a thing or two up from this movie. At least I did.

But anyways, after the movie, we headed down to Asia Cafe for some dinner and while there, a few things taught me about what true passion really is. Sometimes, the biggest of passions will come from a person whom you least expected and our job is to try and support them to the finish line. To make sure that the person gets whatever they need to reach out and make a grab for their dreams.

Someone once told me, when you are weak, act like you are the strongest person on earth. But when you are strong, allow your opponent to underestimate you and when the time comes, spring a surprise and you will be victorious.

Friend: "I heard someone....."
Me: "Yeah I did."

Update

I watched The Orphanage with the gang today and it was a bloody blast. Kennard couldn't shut up. Justin kept closing his eyes while annoying Maryanne and Chris. I ended up throwing popcorn at Justin and throwing the empty popcorn tub at Kennard while asking him to shut up. And the movie? It was good. It is a Spanish horror movie directer by Guiellrmo Del Toro. It wasn't that scary but it was definitely unpredictable. But for some reason, the people behind us had their faces covered and were making noise as well. But it was fun at the end. Lets hope that Prom Nightwill be even better.

An Invitation

Hello everyone...

I've got something to say. MOre of an invitation actually. I know that I suck at all these invitation paragraphs so I'm going to make it real quick.

My band will be playing on the 20th of June, Friday at around 8pm at my college.
Ticket prices are 3 Ringgit and can be purchased on that day itself. So, if you're free, please, please do come down and give us your support. I'd really appreciate that. Oh yeah, we're also trying to convince the management to alow us to conduct a mosh pit session since there are already about 200 confirmed attendees so yeah, we can all have one big mosh pit party!!!

And if that's not already good enough, I WILL BE SINGING!!!!! So yeah, you'll get to hear me sing live and it is not something that you'd get to see everyday.

So the bottomline is.... YOU HAVE TO COME!!!!!!

Thank you.

regards,
Senthil
Guitarist for the yet to be named 3 week old rock band.

Congratulations

When it comes to passion, I believe in going all the way. No matter how difficult or odd the circumstances may seem. And just today, we were all given a good reminder that of we work hard enough and with a little bit of luck, we will get what we are looking for.

This morning I stayed up until 3 am in the morning to watch the Canadian GP. And at 1a.m., I wasn't too impressed with the television reception. Since the Astro is in my parents room, I couldn't watch the race in their room since they were sleeping. So I had no choice but to use the television downstairs which wasn't connected to any cable services. And the worse part was, it hadn't been configurated well enough to watch any programs on. So I had no choice but to watch it on an extremely blur television which made it seem as if there were 40 cars on track, instead of the actual 20 and it was very difficult to even read the words. So I guess you get the picture.

But anyways, it was a wise decision to watch the race because not only was the race a very dramatic one in which Hamilton made a school boy error by trying to exit the pit lane under the red lights and in the end smashing into the back of the law abiding Kimi Raikkonen and ruining both their races in the process. And mind you, Kimi was in a great position to win the race and reclaim his lead in the Drivers Championship.

But anyhow, apart from that small drama, something else happened during the race. Something historical. It was a day of firsts. It was the first time in Formula 1 history that a Polish won a Grand Prix. It was also the first win and first one-two finish for the relatively young BMW Sauber team. Congratulations to them. A well deserved victory I am sure in the eyes of many. They have been working very. very hard for this. And to make things even sweeter, race winner Robert Kubica now leads the World Drivers standings. Also another first for BMW Sauber and believe it or not it has been 11 years since anyone from a team other than Mclaren, Ferrari or Renault has lead the standings. Congratulations to that as well. And to a bigger congratulations to Nick Heidfeld for an inspired drive to make it a one-two for BMW Sauber.

Now that BMW has won their first race I think that we can all start to expect even greater things from this humble team. First of all, they are under the sound leadership of Dr. Mario Theissen a man with great qualities and foresight. And apart from that they have an excellent technical team under the guidance of Willy Rampf. A man who has been around since the golden ages of Formula 1.

And though I do realize that Kimi didn't score any points, just like in Monaco, I can definitely be glad that this is going to be one heck of a season and I am not going to predict who will win the World Title. As it is, Formula 1 is the most watched sport around the globe. Beating out other popular sports like soccer and tennis. I have figures to prove this. Go on like this and we just might be drinking motor oil for breakfast.

*The post Schumacher era does indeed seem so much better*

I don't know why but I just felt like posting this video. To my bandmates, I hope you enjoy it and we should get together again.

Courtesy of Mervyn

Too all you bhais...
Mervyn asked me this question.
What do you call a singh with two wives?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dual Kaur...

ROFL!!! hahahaa

Get it?? Dual Kaur!!! hahaha

Randoms

Overlord

It was to this very date, sixty four years ago that one of the biggest steps in securing the freedom of mankind was taken on the sandy beaches of Normandy.On a grey, stormy morning of the 6th of June 1944, 200,000 Allied soldiers stormed Hitler's Atlantic wall to begin what would go down in history as one of the major turning points of the century. The operation was codenamed "Operation Overlord" or D-Day to most of us. It was the biggest and bloodiest ever amphibious landing ever to be carried out and the most trickiest as well. It was one where almost everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. It was one where if the weather got worse, everything would have been lost. But despite the overwhelming odds, the Allied troops under the command of General Dwight D Eisenhower prevailed and continued to root out the Nazi oppression of Europe and less than a year later, the Liberation of Europe was a success and Hitler dead. And subsequently, the brutual Empire of Japan under Emperor Hirohito was also defeated. And in this war, nearly 55 million people lost their lives. Some of them in the most brutual and inhumane of ways. And therefore, it is imperative that we remember the sacrifices of these men and women so that we do not repeat our past mistakes.

-To the men and women who died to save us-

........

I am tempted to blog about our latest fuel crisis and how I think that it is just another ploy to force Abdullah to stand down as Prime Minister. I do know for a fact that a vast majority of the ruling coalition have their brains up their backsides. But as dumb as they are, it would have taken an "extraordinarily gifted" person to raise fuel prices way above the capabilities of the ordinary citizen, effect the economy and to try and weaken the currency, which according to latest reports actually did happen. So, there's one conspiracy theory for you to think about.

But do bear in mind that about a third of the nation's annual budget has been spent on fuel subsidies. And if my memory serves me well, it was somewhere to the tune of 17 billion Ringgit a year. And in case you were wondering. I am trying to find out what the Koreans, the Honkies, and the Singaporeans spend on their annual budgets. And once I find that out, I will be able to continue on this point. But until then, I shall keep my thoughts to myself.

So...until then...

Two Things

Two major things happened today.

First, our petrol now costs Rm 2.70 a liter. Thats a 78 cent increase!!
Second, which is the most important of all, Obama secured the Democratic nomination.

What would the implications be?

Only time will tell.

I know

I know...I know....Don't do it twice. Once is enough already.

Messy Affairs

It comes at you when you least expected it. And like a bright glare, it blinds you. Your heart skips a few beats in fear and then you ask yourself, what was that? But as soon as you had asked that question, you suddenly realize that you know the answer. It was there all along. You just didn't have the time to notice. And then you start to wonder, if I didn't notice it, why bother in the first place? Would it be better had it not happened? Or would you rather try for something you know won't happen and perhaps regret it later on? Well, suffice to say that there's no point in wondering anymore. It has happened already. Now, all you have to do is to deal with it and try to come up with a conclusion and a strategy on what to do next. Assumption isn't always the way to go because like I said before, its like a glare. It blinds you. It doesn't make you any wiser.

On another note, I finally got my visa today. All I have to do now is to wait for it.

Shop-ed

I think I just created a personal record. 10 hours of shopping. Shopping can really get out of hand. Especially when you have more needs than you might want to believe.
And yes, I dislike shopping and I've never had a fancy for malls.