A Useless Feeling

I feel like a whole load of dung right now. Useless, until I am decomposed by bacteria. Bacteria which then feed me to the soil. Soil which then feeds the growth of new plants. But until that happens, I just feel like dung.
I know this feeling. I felt it a million times before. But yet, I don't understand why I feel this way. Often when obscure and missing form the numbers 9*-9*8*-*, I feel cheated. I feel like I have been played for a fool. Whats more interesting is that I have been robbed by my own friend. A friend who said that he would help me along the line. But instead, that bastard robbed me from right under my god damned nose. The things I did, the words I said, only quickened this insidious process. God damn it, if only I had seen through those eyes. If only I had seen through those words. If only I had been more careful.

I feel like putting my foot down and stamping my authority with a thunderous boom. But I know that this won't solve the problem. The only way I can do it is through diplomacy. But screw diplomacy, I have had enough of diplomacy! How much longer must I tolerate being robbed by the ones I trust over and over again? How much longer must I live in the shadows of obscurity all in the name of playing it slow? I am angry and extremely annoyed, but I just don't know how to react to this without doing more damage than the damage that has already occurred anymore. I've tried keeping my cool for quite a long time now. But this, this is the last straw for me.

But the question is how? How should I go about solving this problem without doing much damage? Hopefully I won't end up with more sleepless nights. I just don't need it. But how can I not have any after what has happened?

I felt this way before. I've felt it a million times before. But like always, it was useless.