Not Anymore

There I was, the architect, sitting and watching my idea play itself infront of my eyes. As the music was playing in the background, I sat and watched the idea transform itself into the idea which had once captivated me and took my breath away, leaving me gasping for air. As I stared, I could not help but be amazed at what I saw. I saw the innocence of the idea, the inner layer of the idea, the purity of the idea. But most importantly I saw what I had desired to be my own. But moments later, my desire for it all but crumbled before me. No, not because I had wanted it to, but because the back of my eyes showed me the very reason I choose to give up on my idea.

Sometimes, I get sick and tired of having to pretend to look away when I know I'm not. Most people would say that the only pair of eyes that they have are in the front of their faces. But for me, I have another pair, right behind my head. A pair of eyes which always play tricks on me. No, I will not let them. Sometimes, I get sick and tired of having to be there when my only role is to be buttered up, persuaded, made to believe, then at the 11th hour, be thrown out from the inner circle which I help design. No, I will not play that part anymore. No. Not anymore.