My Dark Side

Yesterday I was at the concourse. It was around 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I had just finished having my lunch. I wanted to go back to studying and I decided that it would be very unwise of me to go and study on a full stomach. So, I walked myself to one of the benches lining the basketball court and sat down. The wind was blowing and it made me feel like I was home. While sitting down, I fell into an abstraction.
Many thoughts rushed through me as I slowly adjusted myself to the afternoon heat. One of them was about my deepest passion, writing. I had always looked at writing as perhaps one of the only ways in which I can truly express my self without having to conform to any borders whatsoever and perhaps allow others to look into doors that are usually not very visible, or doors that seem non existent or even closed. But what jolted me the most was the fact that I enjoyed writing about dark and sinister things. I enjoyed the solitary and sadistic world of darkness and death. A world where I have no comrades in arms. A world where I am alone in battle. A world in where I can shed my skin and reveal the animal in me. No one else that I know of enjoys this place that I go to. No one. And I'm happy for them. Because, once you have entered this world, there is no path back home. The only path that lines your journey is a path leading forward.
This passion for the dark has certainly spilled its boundaries and has come into who I am. Perhaps explaining alot of things. Explaining my silent tempers, my insecurity and my dark thoughts.
When you see a picture, you see what is on the surface. But when I see a picture, I see more than that. I hear the voice of the person in the picture. I replay old memories that would let my subconcious mind take control of my concious mind. Thats why I so frequently seem lost in a paradise where angels and demons roam freely.
I am what I am not because I want to be who I am. But rather I was shaped into being who I am by events I wish never happened. Genes I wish never existed. All my words are connected to a more sinister being and are not just a whim based on the moment in time. It is forever.