My Lifeline

For the past 3 weeks, I felt as if the entire world had turned their backs on me. I felt deprived of all my hopes and dreams. I was extremely disappointed at how things had turned out. Nothing played out the way that I had wished for them to play out. It was like I was allowed to be layed bare to dry under the searing mid day sun by all those whom I had faith in. In short, where goodness was concerned I was a pauper.
Enduring these times have most certainly taught me many things about myself. Things that I doubt I would have learned had it not been for all these difficult times. These times taught me how much of a loser I was. They taught me that when my morale was down, I was as good as the back of a knife. But what alarmed me the most was that how easily I was willing to throw in the towel and let go of my dreams. Of course, I tried to hide all of this behind a mask of a seemingly resolved person. But even under such covers, I felt vulnerable. Vulnerable to everything and everybody else. My usual bubble of superiority over others had all but burst.
Obstacles are those frightful things that you see when you fail to focus on your goals. These were the exact words printed out on one of my exercise books. To a normal person, these words might be just the words of another adage. But to me, I felt as if the book was teasing me. It teases scraped the marrows out my bone. They did so because for all these times I had been running away from my problems. I often ran away when I was hit by an obstacle. I thought that by running away, my problems would stay far away. But I was mistaken. My problems were never closer to me then they were now. I thought that by not attending to them I could avoid them altogether. But I could not. For every time I thought of my problems, I look down upon myself. They were not worth solving anymore.
But now, I've been given a chance to solve them, and prove to myself that behind every great man, there is a great period of a dark age or a depression. And now, I shall work towards my Renaissance. Like victorious phoenix, I shall rise from my ashes. But I know it will all come at a cost. A cost that I am willing to forgo. Lifelines like these don't come knocking all the time.